YF sport.

Have fun during yf sport..

It's really worth for me to make my trip back from Singapore and just for this event.

NO regret..

One more thing- I think the worth is enjoy the fellowship.

waa...

Out of my control,

I can feel that we have a better friendship

Among who??

hahahaha..

Is the one who always in my team,carry my leg,walked by cupboard..

AM really appreciated.

Long time do not see JOSIE LIM..

She always is SHE,the blur and fly over the moon when I tell her she get fairer..

Thanks to all the organiser and participant.

Without you,there's zero fun for sure.

Thanks He is the awesome one to bring us closer..

conclusion of my 3days trip to singapore

Waa..

3days went to Singapore.

Guess what,as usual,eat and shopping..

But,this time lack of fun.

The first 2days I was sick seriously so make my trip zero fun.

Thought I can get better on the second day so went to JB

who know I can feel my body in Boiling state while my sister on her excited state..

Gosh..

Do not wanna spoilt my sister's mood and accompany her until 7pm

but I totally fragile.

The last day met Eleen in Seranggon

waa..do not know the Mrt fare was so high.

especially the circle line.

Both of us like blur queen and thanks God we can find our destination(simply walk,simply shop)

haha..

1 more thing I will like to comment

Part of the Singaporean are really kiasu

All this you can see when you are in the train.

All the auntie personality came out

and some of them are so rude.

When we explore more in foreign place,I believe we can get more experience.

enriching day on 26th Dec

It was fruitful week.

Tiring,busy,sweating and driving..

Christmas,countdown,yumcha,I love kluang project and so on..

Waaa..

Finally,all the hectic lifestyle can finally conclude End.

Was busying of the project,

To me,it was tiring and of cause full of FUN.

While the event was carry out,

it's really make me to see different kind of people.

And discouraged by some of them.

Take thing for granted is really human nature?

Do not give thanks but we gain scolding and complaining.

It makes me feel like want crying and disappointed.

thanks God I'm still survive and there's only small part of the people like this.

If not,I'm gonna crazy to meet more people like this.

Was totally enjoying today event,

have a nice talk and meet new friend,

worked together is a thing I'm enjoying to do.

While the project carry on,I almost dehydrated.

So many people at the same time.

From 8.30am and survive till 2pm.

After that is our yun cha+ing time..

Nice to have a cold drink

Do not know a cold honey lemon was taste so nice(under such condition la)haha

Guess what,

after there's visiting my new 'classmate''s house(actually is Mis tey house la)

So big was her house and her dog and so humble she is.

It's hard to meet so rich but humble people like her.

Amazing girl she is.

Quite proud with this kind of people.

May Lord place more kindly people and change everyone to a better person like what You sacrificed to a sinner like us.

I'm learning to put myself in other's shoes

I admit,

it's not an easy task to put away all our unsatisfied

and focus on the right thing.

It might be easy to ask people,

do the right thing first and do not care about others

like this,like that.

But,

I know,it's not easy at all.

We do not know how really other's thought and feeling

because we are NOT them.

We cannot control and changing other thought rather than yourself.

So,I'm trying to put myself in other's shoes.

More understanding and rational

I believe make this world more beautiful=D

I do not LIKE it

Misunderstanding happened when we choose not to talk everything out..
I think so la..
But,how we going to start a conservation when I,myself
already put the prejudice to that person.
When we cannot stand a person,
even breath in the same space,
I felt uncomfortable too...
Is that really prejudice or misunderstanding.
I keep asking myself the same question.
One thing for sure,
there's one side trying to hide something.
Who is the real part?
Depend on who you believe in..

broadpen vs wireless

Should I change boardpen to wireless service?
Hmm...
I think enjoy the Internet with other user rather than myself is more fun.
But,
I going to left soon,
so will it turned to a wasted?
Must think wisely before spending the unnecessary money.
I think I will over budget this month as Christmas is coming soon
Lot present not yet to buy.
Anyway,Im so looking Christmas to come.
My second year to celebrate Christmas in kluang.
Thanks God that He still make me in the right path and
still stay strong and faithful to You.
YOU above all,ROCKS..
Thanks for everything.

Opportunity has come or gone?

Opportunity does not come by easy way.
It's true.
We might have numerous of dreams,
how many from them can be achieved?
And how many of us can grab the opportunity at the right time?
Started to think of future right now.
Which path should I taken?
I would like to have many dreams but have been discouraged recently
started to give up one by one.
One thing never pass from my mind.
Which is.
I will like to get out from here to somewhere else.
At least,it can be my experience one of this day.
Somebody told me never worry about Money
How am I not to worry about?
It still will be a Big stone for me to step forward.
Once young, I always think that why there's somebody can be that rich and do not worry about anything.
but me,everything belong to me must get by my own effort.
But now,never regret before.
Because what happen to me and is happen who am I today.
At least I knew that I will appreciate every single thing I have right now.
I want go somewhere that I wish to be there.
Waiting for my opportunity.
I been waiting and willing be a change.

last 3 days from my exam

Tiring of exam weeks..
It's long and suffering period..
But,somebody told me today,
Don't be too nervous and eager for holiday.
It's true.
It was uneasy for me to walk through and passed through so many weeks,
Just hang in there(2more papers)
Must strike until the end so that there I won't be regret.
Anyway,I just will like to give thanks
That He above all to watch over me for this critical period.
At least,I'm not alone when I sat for my exam.
Almost come to The End,yet it not over.
Continued to Jiayou for myself.
Math paper for tomorrow.
Do my best and proved to 'you' that I can Do it..

Enjoying present

Referred to my oldest blog especially those wrote on January.
Almost a year passed by,a new year Begin..
Wohoo...
What I can conclude,
I'm totally grow up either from mentally and physically as well.
More mature,more sensible.
It's true..
There's always something you took it Important before
After purified by time,
It became Not that Important as our seen..
Maybe there's something more more important than this..
Whatever la,
Just will like to enjoy present..

I shout Merdeka....

10more days,3more papers have to go...
JIayou,jiayou, jiayou\^@^/
Waiting for Freedom,
worry for result..
Worried so much,at least enjoy the 6months holiday..
Can't wait,
Chritmas,YMI,trip,New year..
Here I am..
Wohooo...
Can I shout for Merdeka,
at least once now..

It all Your plan..

I love being silent somehow..
Well,it's nothing wrong to become noisy also.
The most I get into crowd,the most I love being alone.
Weird??i think so.
Maybe it's all pre-exam symptom.
It all get me suck!!!!
Arghhhh!!!!
Besides all this,there's one thing which I think it again and again.
How I wish I do not know you.
you once encourage me.but you make me feel discourage too..
Can't trust on people,
It make my statement true and strong again.
Don't blame me for being cruel and heartless.
Because there's really no one can make me trustworthy.
Do not promised,
Promise mean nothing to me,it's all crap and false.
How I wish this,how I wish that..
But it's too late.
Anyway,I'M not the kind of people as you think.
Again,I pray for away from this town and the people.
It's not about I hate the place and people.
But how I wish I can go to somewhere that nobody know me.
Really,the feeling to escape myself from being away is stronger.
At least,run away is a good solution from me.
I will be back when the moment I can fully renew myself .
Maybe,the moment was the time you all really know who am I actually.
You will go before me,
And by now I only can put my hope and prayer onto YOU..

Something I never understand..

There's always something which keep in your heart
and never feel like want speak it out.
Do you??At least to me..
Today,there's one more thing make me feel so 'Disappointed'
Again,I do not wish to express everything out or I CANNOT.
Whatever,the space in my heart getting smaller.
Somehow it's hard to know a person well.
He/She might be a good one in front everyone
but how you really know it behind all these..
Like I always will thought that there's both parts responsibilities.
Where there's demand,there's only supply.
Never,ever blame who is the part doing wrong.
By this time,something is more important.
I knew that by my own strength,I might not have the ability to stop the worst happen.
What I can do is withdraw myself from the worst.
Keep on praying and praying.
Hopefully He above all may listen to what my heart say..
While I was praying,
I was thinking how many time He can forgive men
as we keep doing wrong.
Does He turn away our prayer??
Does He feel disappointed to us too..
Maybe,one day He will get tired and give up on us.
Evil stand tall and victory.

once in a life time-my 19yrs old mpppu dinner

It sound weird when I mention this is once in my life dinner/event.
It's because I'm going to left Stk-a place where I have stay almost 2years soon.
No more chances going back to 19yrs and enjoy the fellowship.
Feeling sad not about the place but the people and friends like you all.
Have been taught a lot during these two years.
Went through thick and thin.
And I knew who are the faithful one.
Growth rapidly,
seeing the side of people-angel and evil.
It's really make me strong,and stronger through this journey.
Regret before?
Yes,uncountless time..
But,I took every incident as an experience for me to be stronger.
Should say a big Thanks
to those who hurt me before-You make me stronger;
to those who help me before-You make me see hope in darkness.

speechless...

Arghh....
understress recently..
I don't think I was the only one..
There was something called [responsibilities]
There was lot of imagination...if..then;if not,then..
Really,it drown me to crazy..
Less than one month..
So many thing need to worry.
And the most was I'm not yet settle down.
2.50 make me discouraged again..
Haiz+sigh+sad..
Who I wanted to blame to..Nobody,my fault..
And now,Im only can count on YOU who above all..

trial finish so how about Stpm??

It's has been long and tough for past weeks...
Exam,exam and exam..
Have been trying but not the best for this trial yet.
Gonna put more effort because the FINAL is coming soon.
Happy and rejoice because trial was finish today.
But,the burden seen like getting heavy and heavy..
Can really feel the stress is stepping nearer to me.
ooo...Goshhh!!!
When the moment you seen many people surround you started to get Serious
it's really make me to buck up..
I meant serious this time although I mentioned many times before.
Want exam over soon but don't want time passed fast.
So fickler people.
We want enjoy life but we do not want suffering.
Is that possible??
hahahahahahahahahaha...

MOoncake festival

Suppose to read more book for tomorrow trial exam,
But,I cannot even stop myself for blogging.
Mooncake festival,
I have been long time didn't celebrate it.
Sister has make a suggestion to celebrate this year.
Unwilling to do this due to trial exam is by the way.
Although how unwilling,I will do that instead.
Just because to pay my role as a family member.
Trying to spend more time with family right now.
Always offers to others,
Am I neglected the people surround me??
So,I'm trying to do what I can.

STOP IT

What I have did is too OVER,too much...
Enough for being so playful,it's serious when I came to realise this.
Sorry,sorry sorry.....
Although this never know who was wrong,
YOU or ME,
Just knew that I should STOP everything.
Or not I cannot even find back the truly me,
I'm so despicable,I let you down..
Should keep a distance from you and this is the BEST way I think right now.
What I meant,
was there is one side to withdraw 'itself' out and lot thing can be prevented.
I choose to be that.
And I hope I can DO that.
I don't wish to destroy everything,
I just wish to have a little PRICE when I came in front YOU.
I just wish I can reign my holiness to YOU.
Frankly speaking,I cannot even forgive myself NOW...
What change your world,
to me is all craps because I can't even change myself.
When I came in front you,there is only 'shameful'
Lord,I can only seek for your help now.
Forgive me for what I have did.
Renew me which what I hope now.
Sorry for i didn't appreciate what You have Given me.

Heavy rain,heavy bag and a woman just for her daily bread.

I'm just do nothing when somebody need help.
A woman came to my house to sell josstick,
Heavy rain,heavy bag.
Can imagine how tougher her life,
wanted to support her,but im doing nothing.
Change my world...
MAke me feel so shameful..
Because I cannot even change myself,
hate being people that can talk lot craps,but i did that..
Lord,you are the one who teach me love my neighbour regardless religious,
Sorry,I fail to do that...

As we pray,You'll answer.

How awesome our God,
As we pray,and you will answered it.
Before,I think this was how imposssible that I can do it.
It has proved.
Our relationship has changed and she changed her perspective towards me.
At least now,I knew that everyone deserve a chance.
Blessed Lord,
YOU prove to me again and again.
A sincerely thanks with fully grateful..

Always easier said than done..
Expectation is directly proportional to disappointment..
Used to it,
planning is never catch up the changing...

sigh..

Do not even wish to stay here even 1 more second,
how wish to withdrawn myself out of this environment..
really really tired to involve myself le..
What I see,
besides discouragement,there is discouragement..
Will there be wrong,if we treat others with a full heart?
Will there be wrong if we trust a people?
anyway,the answer is not longer important.
because,
see through how people looked like..

I love Sunday

I love Sunday.
These is the day can be said more free and not rush here and there.
Wake up early morning.
Went to church,having lunch with church members.
Good to talk to each other.
Saying hello to the people beside you..wohoo...
Although is such a simple thing,
it's undeniable we have neglected this simple thing in our daily life.
Listening hillsong,planetshakers and unknown singer christian song.
Such a peace time seen to be gone long time ago.
Busying to seek our own way to live to,
but there is not the way You want us to be.
Looking back to those people who are rushing just for their daily bread.
Oh my goodness,
we are such a blessing children.
I love Sunday,
this is the day where I have my sport time in the field.
Playing with whole heart with more energy rather than keep studying..
That's awesome.
Too bad,my peaceful and lovely Sunday have been taken away by the tuition.
Miss the day in field.
Anyway,it just teach me what is [priority]
I love Sunday,
there is no reason and motive.

everyone create their own formula

Im not emoing now,and quite rasional and seriously to sort thing out.
Everyday,we are hang around with different friends,people.
Are we really can see thru what people inner part.
Are everyone treat us sincere??
This is the question really need to think about.
Sometimes,people are so evil.
It doesnt mean a murderer,rapist or...those to defile [evil]
but,there is more terrible and horrible people who stand by next to you.
And those with motive..
Maybe Im the kind of people who is more sensitive and emotional(nt tat emotional oso)
I need to filter the people before giving out [trust].
It's bad and sorry for dis-trust.
Meanwhile,I can accept the same way.
If using mathematical formula,
I think Im not that kind of people by using s short and simple method.
And I need a long method and even create my own formula to defile the equation.
Am I too self-centre??

test is not fun but necessary

Long time have not been updated my blog lo...
Wohoo....enjoy this moment,
Exam had just passed,
been telling myself should took thing seriously,
again I summit my result into Your hand.
No matter how discourage and disappointed before,
at least I walked through it by my own.
Test in not fun but is necessary,
it was to show that whether we are ready to move to the next.
Quite inspiring..
So,welcoming exam..
And I think I started to adapt it again...

the world is unfair..

Try to trust the world is Fair.
Yes,definitely it was.
But,is the man to make it become
so cruel,so prejudice,so realistic,so unfair.
Who was the owner behind all this.
Proven again,
Human nature is evil.
Again,
I saw what is call UNFAIR!!!
what is called biased!!
A mentor,a teacher should put themselves upright,
but what I saw from her,
there is only BIASED.
People try to please her so that they are always in her 'special' list
Where all the fair judgement gone?
people try to make use each other.
Hypocrite!!shoot..

diarrhoea=no costipation=mc=punishment

Absent today,
Due to tiredness,laziness and fatigue.
Imagined the number you went to toilet,
so frequently,
haha..
Was blaming have a bad constipation before,
since after eating the dinner last night,
Gosh..
can't wrote so details.haha.
Thought about it,
hmmm,
diarrhoea is not necessarily that bad,
at least it was good for digestion and can prevent constipation.
Maybe thought it,
I will lose weight..
Waa....
Definitely have a good rest at home under such cold condition,
but,
heard some people said,
whoever didn't go to school today,
they are not allowed to enter pn.woon class next week.
Such a nonsense,
due to didn't go to the 'workshop of math2''
Can't acceptable.
Well, Felt angry not because of this,
Saw a physic class person leave her comment on my post,
''whoever didn't present today can't enter pn.woon class''
What can I said,
Do not know what the purpose she wrote this for me.
Want us lose face or she will feel happy when we are be punished.
Reply her:we knew already,not need remind us again lo...
A bit no manners,
BUT,
just want her to think before she wrote.
Whatever her initiative is good or bad,
we should think before action,
Words is power,
it can destroy a person
(undeniable it's built up a person too).
Take care of what your words.

again...

Always heard people said,
you must have confidence,
believe in yourself.
It's true,
But i think I'm over-confidence,
That make me think everything is too easy,too simple,
It's proven,
over-confidence is not a good thing.
The first day I took back my math paper,
Gosh.....
Never,ever believe,
I fail it..
I can ever fail the most(could be said my quite interest subject),
Such a shame..
Maybe,
To me such a stubborn person,
I need face some blow
before I stood up again.
Read a bible verse:
those who work deserve their pay.
Yes,
who are never get a subsidise
without paying any effort,
the world is fair,
how mush you pay off,
You will get in the end.

I need some time,please.

There is rainbow after the darkness day.Hope is in front.Seek the hope,seek the desire.

Crying make you be Stronger,

Crying make you comfortable,

Crying make you to Distress,

This is all my friends told me.

Burst out today,

First time crying so terrible,

in school some more.

And crying is uncontrollable.

Pipe opened,

tears was warm and salty.

Look highly of myself,

Thought can overcome it,

But,

broke down.

All the thing crush together.

Whatever how strong usually I was,

How cool the surface I gave,

This time I'm need to admit

I'm weaker,

But Not Loser yet.

Stand firm,be strong.

And there are still lot friends who are concern and caring me so much.

Love you lot.

Be grateful that I have you

Behind me always.

Words come from God,

''He will give me struggle,let me fall down,not because He want to see me as a failure,Is the Faith to you,to grow up.He gave me a hardship at the same time he gave me strength to carry on,whatever how heavy the burden,It never beyond my limitation''

20th of June

20.06.10
'It' comes across my mind again.
Cover it well,
because I do not want to CRY.
It's no use crying over a split milk.
Making myself busy and tired,
so that I do not have the extra time even a second to think about it.
Do not know why,
the most you want to hide it,
the most it explore.
Strengthen me to pass this day.
Read a book,
it was interesting.
Talked about our life like a TEST.
God may test us different way.
Maybe,
HE wanted test me by LOST IT.
And there was a REGRET in my life.
Through this,
always telling myself do not let regret in my life.
Because it is definitely PAINFUL.
Like a wound which is bleeding..
''Father day''
sound like so unfamiliar and stranger to me.
Deeper my wound AGAIN.
Questioning God,
why you so cruel.
But,
my sis told me,
maybe it was RELEASE.
to you or our
maybe...
because I'm only can ACCEPT
under such condition without choices for me..
Learn not to be so emo+ing.
Do not want anybody sympathy.
I think I can overcome it...
Learning,
Be strong+ing..

Trying to settle down my emotion now..
Hopefully,tis year,
i can do it,
overcome it,
be strong,be strong..

JB trip

Going to Jb,city square.
Had a whole day shop.
From 1pm to 9pm.
shopping,eating,movie+ing.
Praise Lord,have a great day.
Walking,walking,walking.
my foot was paining now.
I tinf im wearing a wrong shoes today.
It was important a pair of nice shoes,
I meant,
not only such expensixe shoes like Nike,Adidas
are counted noce shoes..
Just need a suitable shport shoes.
The purpose of shopping today
was finding a sport shoes.
walked in uncourtable shops,
in the end,
cannot find a nice one.
Sad,
where am i going to find?
Jie jie said going to Bugis to find it,
hopefully we have the time..
looking forward my sport shoes..

Just came back from singapore this afternoon..
Have a great fun hanging around with friends.
Appreciate the moment,
eat together,took picture,
how nice the life was,
times passed fast,
everyone will go back to the normal lifestyle soon.
hopefully we have the opportunity to gather again.
Friend,
we need it.
and must learn to handle with care.
Be grateful that we can know each other.

Im growth up lo..

waa...
looked back my past blog,
feel like very silly when doing those thing,
tat might seen very inportant at those time,
now,
it's changed,
And it's does not so important now...
Am I getting bigger or mature??
Undeniable,
sometimes found childish in settle thing,
so far is more mature now..
Hahaha..
Be strong, be stronger,be strongest..

Rm31.50??worth...

Went to photostep shop just now...
With happy happy mood that I finally finish it,
Cnt wait to see my project,
with much satisfactory and proud,
Finding a shop to print out my 'fruit'
it's sunday,
lot shops are not opened.
Drive from home to town,
and drive back again.
Finally,there is a shop
with a big board wrote 'rm0.04 for photoshop,
Thought that 46 sheets should around maximum rm10+
when paying,it shocked me...
RM31.50...
make me neither cry nor laugh..
Good thing there is enough money in my wallet..
Well,am i be cheated??

exam weeks over..

Over the mid-year exam.
Yet should know that more tougher thing is waiting in front.
Be consistent,
just do not wish to lost the desire of study,
seek it hard,
learn to take good care of it..
Writing blog right now,
with different mood and emotion,
more stable, more relaxing and enjoying..
Maybe had put down a little bit of stress.
Flash back the exam week,
study hard for bio,
do not want to fail again.
give thanks that i fail my bio at the 1st term,
so that more i was more motivate to study for this time.
Yet cannont finish the syallabus,
do some stupid mistake that can cause me lost lot marks,
anyway,i GIVE THANKS
Because i didn't let myself down.
Look upon on him,
commiting to him regardless the result.
Thanks that YOU are took good care of me
from above..

Diferent view to see thing today..

Today,early in the morning..
Only realising how beautiful the natural is..
There was a big dragonfruit ouside my garden..
Noticed this morning..
And only realised I have miss out a lot thing.
Trying to seek back what I have lost..
Is good that I still have chance to go back to the beginning..
Thanks God..
How awesome our God..
Keep on reminding,
keep on encouraging..
shocked by what I have wrote on facebook this morning..
but I like it..
The darkness of the night will come to end,
welcome by the early sunshine.
Washed over me and make me renew..
Regain the HOPE,
refound the DESIRE.

Different people,different minds,different opinions

Muet exam today,
30minutes listening paper,
end at 8.40am,
stay back in school till 1+pm,
BUT,
I was succeed to 'cabut',
wondering am i doing wrong??
but I think that
break the school's rule is not necessary a wrong thing,
at least to me, i was think so..
I'm do not care how you think of me,
this is my style,
you can feel 'bushuang' or whatever la..
Never,
I will give in..
What for I'm trying to please others?
Everyone defile in different shape,
You may have your own character.
Please,
do not try to change me
just to accept your way.
Never,ever...

Exam week

A mid-year exam really can draw me to crazy..It's not only suffering from mental but also physically..My body scream for help everyday.My neck was in great pain today.Hopefully I can get through this week.Always remind myself that'' good thing are yet to come''
Is a way to comfort myself
or a way to encourage me??
Yet I'm do not know..
There is another half year.
It can be said less than 6months.
So,whatever now..
With the words,
just bear it and hang in there..
Learn to do thing with more consistently
Either in study or others,
never give up easily and
never do thing with 3minutes passion.
Still learning,
be more displin and obedient,
At the same time,
learn to take good care of my health.

lost connection...

I lost my calculator during recess time..
Honestly,it's doesnt matter about the money but I just want it back..
I used it since Form1 and this was the first calculator bought by my dad..
But,
I lost it today..
It means that the only reminder or can be said my only 'memory' has lost..
Sudden,feel sad besides nothing..
How careless I was??
Am I deserve it??
sigh..
hopefully can find it back...

TRUST

[TRUST]
hard to get nor give..
hard to build up,easier to desroy..
handed with much care,
as it can be crash easily...

The person I gave trust before,
became the people that I cant believe in..
Promised myself,
set up a protective layer,
just do not want to fall again..

It's unfair and selfishness,
either to anyone,
all do not appear in my world,
all I want to do,
is I Do nOt Care!!

Lord's timing

My house was packed of relatives last night til this afternoon...My house was totally mess up..Gosh...all the kids were running up and down.Finally find a nice place..Sat outside the house.
The wind was so breeze..
Washed over my face,
gave me a refresh,
damn tired for only few hours sleeping time.
Looked at my watch.
It was 3.30pm,
wondering Joel had left to Singpore,
all the blessing and prayer will pass to him through the wind...
Asked me whether got 'she bu de'or not.
frankly,the answer is yes.
But I know that it was the Best journey to him la..
As I said,
it all Lord's timing..
all the best to him la..

Im sick....

Was [frustrated],[fragile] and [meaningless]...
What the point of we all study so hard..
get a better job,better income?
mountain of homework..
comparison among everyone,everywhere..
People said there is no comparison,
totally easier said than done..
Undeniable wherever we stand,
either in study or school leaver,
there was [unseen] stress..
Such an unseen stress that can make us could not take a deep breath in our life..
See a problem in every opportunities;see an opportunity in every problems.
Which type of people you are..
It make me confuse,
because I started defeated le..
What the purpose I live for?
Was so stupid struggle in these question again.
Maybe the medicine effect is started that make my brain could not analyse so much..

I live for there is a purpose or I live for others?
Who Am I so far?
Yet i do not know..

many time's [a little bit]

Was give me a shock when heard that Derek met an ancident.It make me really deep thought about our life was really short...

Do not know what will happen on next seconds.
Everything came seen like without notification.
A life could taken away in a twinkling of an eye.

It was really raise my awereness that I should drive more careful in my following days.
Many times there is [a little bit]
a little bit that I need to say [bye] to this world.
Really give thanks that HE above up was watching me all the time.
Like set up a protective layer to me.
Appreciate that I still stand on the ground with [foot]
With there,I should be more careful next time.

How much tears had warming up the cheeks?
How many pairs of eyes cried for them?
The [sadness],
the [darkness]days,
how many days need to wash over the sorrow.

Xueqi and Josie told me today,
sometimes,there is some sacrified to generate the awareness of [people]
but,the sacrified was bring too much impulsive that even me myself could not take it.
How about the people who are sacrified but without notification,
without [choice]

Be grateful that we always have a guardian angel who are always watching us from above.
Save us from the danger and give the peaceful to us.

100% heart???

Afternoon math tuition.Mr.Quek said that if we want done well in our math.First of all,you must pay your full heart in it and make some sacrified.It was right.We will get nothing when we were paid nothng.It sound like quite fair.In this world,nothing was gained for granted.You want success in your career,we must sacrified our time,lot publicity work.Well,as a student,we should pay full heart and attention in our study.Attend tuition class and etc.This was what we need sacrified before we achieved in our study.Revision need consistence.Last minutes work definitely would not passed with flying colour.
Had set a timetable for myself.But it seen like quite hard to follow.So,no much can said.Because I was the one not yet move forward,do not want to push myself to move forward.Whatever result gained definitely is I DESERVE it..

God make men perfect but men sinned make them imperfect.

I started to lost my faith and desire bit by bit.I did not what was going on me.But everything seen like not so important to me including serving God.It was terrible I took it as a not so important thing.Skipped my quite time even went to the church seen like not a sin to me.A verse was crossed my mind right now:God make men perfect but men sinned make them imperfect.Yes.It was me myself making me like not so holy.I started to lost my desire and fire to carry these.
Good Friday.It reminded me again that how Jesus was died for us.Why I want be a Christian?Why I accepted Lord?Did I really had a deep thought?Flash back the darkness day in my life.Yes.Lord was appear when I decided to give up.HE give me a hope.This was my second live in my life.What I had now even my life was not belong to me anymore.It all in God's hand.HE had decided what I should go thought.HE had planned everything to us and definitely he had planned what was good to us.
May I can continue grow in Him and regrow my faith.

Good thing are yet to come.

Just a sentence''lot thing is beyond our control'' & ''it's all out of our hand''.Was thought about these when people told me.Is it really lot thing are out of our control.Means that we need to GIVE IN or please others?In the end,it seen like we had lost ourselves.The situation make us could not pull ourselve out of the suffering and struggle.Lot thing we need to consider and worry about just because we are no longer live by ourselves.What we had done,it brought consequenses not only to you but the people around you especially our family.Likewise,we need to follow and obey what your boss asked you to do,even how unwilling you are.We could not stand firm with our principle anymore.The situation had forced us to put all your principle and dissatisfaction down.It's all become so small,so non-value when compare to the basic income-salary.There was always a thing that hold us back,it might be money,relationship.....One thing we should know is that:do not follow evil to do bad.Stand firm with the right thing.Good thing are yet to come.By Faith,we can do Great things.

I'm still ALIVE

Well, exam week had passed.It could be said that drove me to crazy.I was know that what I had read was not enough..Totally no..Telling myself that this was the turning point for me.Really.Must buck up.Actually did not expect much from this time exam because I knew that I did not pay my full effort.All I had done was just last minutes work.Even I get 5,6 marks in my exam,then so what.I could not blame anybody because how much effort I paid,there was how much I gained back.This only showed that I pay out 7% out of 100% effort..I DESERVE it.
Instead,how tired I was now,mentally or physically.There was a day let me came to rest.Still will like to Give thanks that Lord had given me strength to walk through the exam period.yes.good thing are yet to come.Will continue to walk till the final destination with your strength.

An hour before birthday

There is about an hour more which I should say goodbye to 18 but enter 19 years old le..Flashed back,was asking myself,what have I done during this 18years ..Cannot think about any GREAT thing I had done.Anyway,Im here to give thanks that let me had my 18years although it contained lot sadness,it could not deny that I have lot wonderful thing.
Be 19 years old le,means im grow up.Must be muture a bit more to do and think thing.

Eleen came to my house this evening.Too sad,I was not around at the moments.Besides giving the homework to me but she passed the present to me too.Am so touching when seeing the present.It was not as simple but full of meaning behind the present.Tears are warming up my cheeks when she send me a message.:

It's my pleasure.. Can get to know you is also a blessing in my life..even thought we are not so close as before already,but in my memory we will always be.Thanks so much for everything.I gave you watch not only because yours watch old already..but i hope that time everytime you see it,will think of each every second we spent together.Whether good or bad moments,hope you will remember every step and every moment we together these day.May our friendship last forever..Eleen said.

What Im trying to say here is:lot thing may seen differently now and maybe we are not so close as before le..anyway Im still cherish you as my bestest friend.and it does not mean that we wont be so close as before a..Trying me best now...jiayou together a..Thanks 4 everything..

Word like a sword..

My mom's word bring thorn that hurt me again and again.Yes.I know..be a child we must honour our parents.Im already tried very hard to fulfill your wishes but why you always want judge a book by a cover..I feel heartbroken this time.I cried out when my jiejie called me from Singapore.Chat a lot.but why in your eyes,whatever I do seen like a wrong..Im know what I am doing..I can differentiate whether is right or wrong.I can think before action..Just a little understanding that is so hard from you to me..?
jiejie say maybe Im too stuborn and we are lack of communication and Im do not like to speak out my opinion to my mom. In the end,an misunderstood happened.But all this are not I want a.What I say is worth or not.Be obedient.Im doing so.What you can see is just the surface.Did you really see it by your heart.You do not know.How much you want expect from me..Did not talk back when you are pointing your finger to me.Everyone has stress there is not only you.Does it mean that you can do anything.Yes.People only noticed the black dot out of a big picture.The moment Im doing good you cannot see whereas the moment Im doing wrong once that you will notice..Is it reasonable.??
Im trying hard do not let my emotion and anger to judge and control my mind.Im know that you have your reason what you doing so.But just want you to know that.Everyone can make mistake.Maybe you will think that what you think is right and for my sake.It was wrong.Do not make your thinking be my thinking.There is not necassary what you say is right to me..
Wake up,mom.Be reasonable.Make you point that can convince me but not with your status.

{感受}

[遗憾]
有伤有痛；又苦又泪，
却是成长过程必经的路，
寻寻觅觅，
只为找寻那[放下]一切的出口。
放下，就代表一切都过去了吗？

[悔恨]
带来的就只有泪水与伤害。
时间的流逝，
冲淡不了过去，
只加深了伤口上的痛。
努力的坚强，
只为了掩盖好[心]的脆弱。

[相信]
试着用[心]去适应，
却始总说服不了[心]
越过不了自己的[障碍]
眼前的一步，
似易似难; 似远似近,
依然选择停留原地,
不前进,注定是失败.

[希望]
总出现在[绝望]?
雨后都会有[彩虹]?
[坚持]就会有[胜利]?
跌倒了真的能站起来?
[放下]了也就是''重新人生''

whole day down

Today.. quite bad mood...Early in the morning been nagging by my mom..It's make me and my bro had a bad and down mood all the day.Speechless the whole day..It make me think about that..This is my life.What we must live under people control..Going to please others.This was totally make me lost and be crazy.It is because as long as I'm under my mom's child that I need be a obedient girl..Do all the thing that she order me to do..Am I really need a change because the circumstance,people,parent and fulfill everyone will..

Me need a change because.....

The strongest the surface,the weakest the inner.

Suppose to write blog on last night(27.2.10)but it was dead beat to me but full of meaning thing.It was Awesome..Went out early in the morning with kor jit pang to Malacca.Maybe it was unbelievable..this was my first time went to Malacca and could be said lot first time in my life ba..Had some quality time with jit on the way to Mlk..
Was surprise when he asked me about my family background.First time we talked about this topic.Could be say I was never mention these thing to everyone ba..It was NOT I felt any ashamed or embarrassing..It was because I did not wish to explore the wound again..Yes..It was painful and deepest HURT.BUT,how much I hide it,it explore much more that in my expectation.It was not seen like any HEAL as time was passing by.Yes..it took time to heal.Hope in shortest time.Along the journey,we chatted a lot.He could be the first one that I expressed everything to him ba.I cried in front of him.I knew that he was not purposely making me cry.The much he said,I seen like defeated bit by bit.You should know this was the topic that I MOST did not want to talk about.On the moments,I could not control myself.I did not know where I gained this bravery to talk to you.Wondering jit was strong or I was weak.
Frankly speaking,we shared lot secrets not only me but you too.I felt like more understand to you too.Yes.the secret was kept in the car le.Will fulfill the promise.One thing that I remembered till now was you told me"nothing can disappointed you unless I GIVE UP"Actually I thought about Give Up but on the car I did not dare to tell you..Because I did not wish to hurt the people anymore le.Thing turn even worse that I think about go HOME.(so far no such feeling now)But this is the thing I could not control.What I scared was this feeling attack me again and again.
Lot thing you told me about you was so surprise me.Yes.You have done lot thing to youths like us but how many of us could really understand you(if you never mention,I think i never know it)You have done the GREATEST job and finally I knew how much you have loved us.Before that,you told me "I love U"such words.To me so normal.Every pastor will told to their youth like this de ba.But this time was DIFFERENT.You are really care of us.Heard what you have done,the moment i feel very touching but I tried very hard did not cry in front of you again.Thanks.Really appreciate to know you.kor jit pang.
You asked me to trust you(you know Im not easy to trust people)But I promise you.I will tried my best,no guarantee a.You asked me be frank to you,just wanted tell you if I was not enough frank to you then I won tell you my struggle le. Sometimes feel bad,everytime gt problems will come to you.Feel like gave you much trouble.Sorry about that.Maybe I should learn not so rely on people.

Night on 28.2.10.It was last day on February as last day for me to full play.Agreement will start after more 2hours.Stop being playful.

I walked further and further.....

Was down tonight...Found out lot thing and scared it turned to fact..Was found out that I could not understand myself more and more..I was walked from a white area to a black and dark area..Started to lost the mayyee le..yes..it was coming soon until the day you all no longer to know who am I even myself..
Last time was said about that had lot hypocrite crowds around me..In the end,i found out I turned to hypocrite too..I was looking of pure my eyes and so my heart but it walked far away from me..Knowing judge people was not right..but I did that..Advice people could not hate the people but i hate the people..Love your enemy,love your neighbour..was easier said than done..Asked for forgiven but could not forgive those sin against me...Why why why???
Eleen was said that nobody was perfect as we were not God too..It was natural for human to sins because human nature was evil..Most important thing was us not to commit to sins.I was scared that I could not do that because the devil spirit was present me bit by bit..I scared that was the day mayyee was totally defeated..
Will it..Hope no but...

I was worry because of Im not worry????

Yes...one of my friends Josie was told me that she was worry because she was not worry anything..Flash back, I have the same kind feeling..Honestly said,by now Im felt quite lost..I did not know how to step out the next step..I knew that if I continued maintain the happy-go-lucky character..It all will GONE,including my STPM and about my future..Was wondering the road I taken was correct or not..Is it true that I wanted to be a doctor(my mom quite discourage ba,mayb she knew my charater well and knew that I won have the perserve ba,she gave me a laugh and walked away).Thought about it,it can be accepted when my mom gave me the kind of reaction..Asking myself?

Ability,strength,perserve...,have I???It was a BIG question mark appeared in my brain..Does it God's will..By now, I do not know..Because what I want was contrast to What I can...Everyone want to be a doctor,a lawyer but how many are they are really do..

Read a new was sent by a friend..Felt sad and down after reading the news..A NS friends was stabbed in a cafe.His initiative was so simple..That was helping friend when he saw his friend was stabbed by the gang..Helping friend end up compensate his own life..I could imagine how sadness,sorrow and painful was in his family now.Never knew the feeling if never experience this before..the kind of feeling when you losing your beloved...Yes..It was hurt..

Does it worth because a friend..Hard to answer..To him..I think when we come to the situation how many of us will do that..Step forward to help your friend regardless your own self safeness.I mean..true friend?

Here pray for his family is the only way I can do..May he can rest in peace..And commit his family to our Father in heaven..

New year is almost end le...Everyone can be said perpared themselve to go back their workplaces le ba..After a week holiday,went back to school today..Lot thing have changed that make me hard to adapt..Well,why have change? It could be said a sudden stranger feeling was appear among us ba.Not only from him.But the eyesight from yeesoon was so different today..Wondering what he trying to say...
Today,was feeling a bit'duo luo'..Lot homework not yet to do..The excuss was no time or tired..but in the end the biggest problem was come from laziness..yes..the problem was always lies on me..Started the 1st lesson was sleeping at behind..What was going on to me?Having biology lecture but was talking behind(feel bad that make the people sit with me cnt concentrate too) and end out double period lesson gain nothing..Always thought about that-is ok la..all can be read by ourself ba..do not worry so much..there was all bluff..
Yes..From now..Telling myself Wake up..You cannot be like this..Remember your main dish..

JOURNEY

Our life was just a road was a journey.....It was just like a road without end on the picture..Nobody knew what will be there in the end of road...There was not a smooth and easy road but full of challenges and guessing...BUT there was a way for you to know what will happen at the end...there was WALK THROUGHT it....Alot of thing was beyond our control....You would not know what will happen at the next seconds...Just like our life..nobody will know when it will come to an end point...
It wss true...Sometimes we will feel lonely and abandone in our life...Tried to give up....It was scary when you walked along the road without knowing anything...Hopefully could find a pair of hands that can help us when we were in darkness...Well,reality is totally different from the dream and hope...What we were trying to get for,it was totally come with a hard way even none....Somebody was gave up half way and there was no a confirmation wherever you were tried hard then you will get it...So,will you still try it and have faith in everything..

sudden thought

Realisation
sometimes,think about a word ''WORTH"...after we doing certain thing o making a choice...a question come out from my brain..does everything that I did was worth...I do not understand..how can it be classified as worth it or not....Does it mean you use rm100+but a real Converse mean it is worth or vise vesa..after all, i found out..to me..worth..can be say a satisfactory ba...I think it is worth when I was doing thing without any regret..
Second realisation,there is no second chance when you recoming back...Wanted buying a shoes jz now..it attrach me when i saw it last night...but going bek to the shop..there is no more size le..sigh..it make sense too..
.........
.........

CHANGED

Every night came to these moment,It could be said it was my most peaceful and enjoying time..Wrote down no matter good and bad things in my little mind....
It was new year eve but to me...there was nothing special...My house was packed crowd of relatives...But they seen like quite stranger to me...A new year eve dinner...I was sure that quite lot people were hang around with their family and enjoy the moment...but to me...It was just a meal nothing special as usual...The topic nothing relationship to me...take my dinner and ate in the living room while others were sit together and enjoy the meal in the dining room..A meal which was meaningless at my new year eve time...sigh==''
Early in the morning,having a railway project and I was attend it..It was quite less members who was attend it which compared to usual....Maybe today was a new year eve....haha..the project today was quite special..We gone to the owner of kluang mall and majupadu's house....Waa..it was give me a shock when we went to miss tey's house...It was like a palace...Shocking me somemore when the big dog running out...Seeing Mis tey quite often when I was hang around in kluang mall before..but today she give me a different opinion to her which I felt quite totally different ba....She was so humble....even she was came from a rich family and could be described as a princess ba...BUt she was totally did not have any action attitude...She was followed us until finishing today project...all the way she was so friendly...and all the stuff today was sponsor by her...waa...proud...
Lastly, it was some of my feeling which I wanted to wrote it down days ago....Stuck at these moment....suddenly all my expression was gone...but one thing Im knew was Im got lot thing want to tell her...

Was feeling disappointed about the injuctice....Just because want reduce the trouble..i need to let go my principle....N just follow what my relatives said...It make me like a stupid....damn shit...yes...everyone like to defend for himself including turning the facts...they can speak lies just as a normal thing...Suddenly heard my neighbour said,let settle it by the easy way...each part settle own problem including paying the fees...It make me think that where all the justice have gone...What is left is unfair and let go....sign about these thing and I finally believe
Human nature is evil...

Difference experience.....

Cross-country today...Although lot people will say that what the big deal..yes..but it's gave me different testimony...Did not feel sad above din get any prize but enjoy all the way...These time cross-country did not join my usual Stabk group...but I'm alone..Yes..
There was a 4km journey but I'm do not think that it was a long journey...Along the way,asthma attack and feel like going to faint(maybe din not take ant breakfast) but I was bear till finish my journey...quite proud of it..haha...There is an obstacle if only you think it is a problem or obstacle..
Besides,along the way running..keep noticed there were lot people passing by my sides..There were different kind of people...It's let me think about my life..There were different people entered and left my life...Some of them just like a passenger-by..It's depends how longer he/she stay in our life...but there is a day he/she will leave us...God place different people in our life sure that is a purpose...Just have faith in Him and Give Thanks...maybe He send 'them' to give me a guide and test...be a guide line in my future day...
Lastly,when I almost reaching the end point..Saw one of they gang members was not feeling well and sit alone at the sides...Nothing cross my mind but I was walked towards her and gave her a help...I hold her hand and walked together...Wondering where i gain such encouragement and strength to do so...May He forgive our sin and those sin against us...Save us from the evil one..Those word cross my mind....

Maybe He name be glorify in the highest place....

Yes..Friendship is tested all the way...
Is either become closer or fade...
Is it depend on how much trust,faith,love has given??
Good friend best friend...
What are the definision???
It seen close but far..
It seen near but you cnt hold it..

Eyes -learn do not see anything...
Ears -learn do not hear anything...
Mouth-learn do not say anything...
Heart -learn do not feel anything...

Big difference between men and women.....

Feel that women is an emotional animal...They will like to solve thing by heart but not brain..Keep finding an excuss for themselve above dn not dare to accept the fact and hurt..Besides,they will like to find an excuss for the men...Cry find the men...How much tears have been dropped...but it seen like not a matter in men's eyes..Women think that they can make a change in men..but is does not..Men won change just because a woman...This is a fact...
Why women always is the part to get hurt in love matter..Where all the promises that men have gave...Why men won appreciate what on your hand...Such a disappointed...In the end, all come out is a bluff..Men enjoy the outcome but women enjoy every seconds,every minutes and every journey...Men won think that they have making a wrong or take it as a problem but they will magnify a small matter...Men always said that they do not understand what women actual thinking but the problem is are they really going to find out...haiz..
Men..can u wake up and do something....
Dn make men status=0 in women heart...

I have make a choice...

Yes..it's time to let go..

Let go the everything..

Im dn nod which one of all of you are real..

there is no way for me to struggle more just because of...

you have said:

we already trying our best to play our part well

we cnt control others..

it was they will whether they choose to accept or reject it..

and if it was come to worst...

there is nothing I should feel wanted to holding back..

there is no meaning..

be friend too..

what for wasted the effort to those who dn nod appreciate it..

realisation..

Does people have both sides which are strong and weak sides...There are some people can cover their weak sides very well but too bad im not including in the gang..

lecture today..

sat at the back..

trying hard to focus..

fail to do it..

look around, think a lot n talk a lot..

topic around 'them' again..

beyond my control..

pipe opened...

tears warming up my cheeks..

is the last time..

really..

been telling myself many times..

With the strength HE gave

I believe I can...

cry does not make sense but I did it...

People said do not make a regret in your life....

but Im did it...

And Im know...this was the biggest regret that was never get rid from my heart....

Trying very hard to forget about it to lessen my sorrow...

In the end....

every part of story still crossing my mind...

It seen like does not decrease a little bit but end up added up as time is passed...

Due to my stuborness...

im wrong..

but it was too late..

even a chance to aplogize that you have taken away..

give in = give up???

Will it too late Im started to think about where I need to go in the future...

It was seen like no turning point and what I can do was just walk through it..

Does give in =give up....

maybe ba...

because both are no strength to fight for...

-sorry-

Sorry...

A sorry to those friend who are caring me but I dn not respond to you...

Im know it...

I try very hard to keep everything just do not want all of you worry about me...

Im do want my problems be ur problems...

Im dn need any from you..

Thanks for being my sides...

Appreciate it..

Stop asking what happen to me...my answer still unchange..

Im ok..Im fine...No problem...

Mayb you all think that Im selfish..trying to keep lotz thing in heart..but what for speaking out..Is that any change...

Im also feel very bad that keep want your wondering and guessing what is going on to me..

Im sorry..Im dn wish to mak ur lik these..

SORRY

Jit,Eleen,Josie,Xueqi,Jun.......

for Im nt speak out all thing to u...

Choices...Have it?

Am confusing myself..

Is it the real me???

What should I do?

Am I really need give in to FATE..

I dn wish...

but seen like no choices..

What Im nod is......

when I give in..

I have lost the real myself...

Juz lik live in these world without spirit o soul....

Am I really a big changed??

Hmm....today have some small talk with my friends...Althought it was short...but quite enjoy it....maybe the question such like damn boring but it quite meaning to me ba...I was asking about that....

LOVE,FAMILY,FRIEND

which one will you choose to give up....

haha..very funny ho...I know there all are very important but....haiz..suddenly one thing cross my mind...How about if they are going to give you up..

One of my friends had told me that : mayyee,you have changed...changed from a person who do not know caring change to a caring person and more laughter on my face...haha...but she said that...I was using my laughter to cover my sadness...

and her answer was totally different..

She said that last time's mayyee wont keep everything in heart...

A deep thought cross my mind..

Am I?

Get up-mayyee

Hmmm..Eleen asked me a question today...What is friend for??What your definition of friend??Of course lotz people will say that is caring and sharing....When friend is suffer then must give a help,be a good listener and......But to me...Im do not think so...These is because Im taking yours as my best friend then Im only choose to do thing alone...

Receive a call from Jit,he ask me wad going on to me...just be ok and tell him that Im fine..He told me that Im nt alone and the people around me were support me..

appreciate it..

really...

I will solve my own problem..

I can do it..

I hope...

Am I choose the right path??

Was sound like funny and stupid....Even myself also confuse about it..

Never cross my mind that wil taking F6..was in stk now..From the start was interest in physics but end out going to biology class....phobia going to hospital but just want to be a doctor...

Question myself...

is it the right way...

Im dn nod...

wad going on to my decision...

Who can tell me am I doing the right thing..

there is no turning point...

walk forward ba...

[心解]

Finally I knew what going on to me ...Although thing had passed a long time..In the end,I found out that I was still not yet to get rid of it...I thought I could overcome it..But what it was proven is I'm really couldnt do it...the problem never get out from my heart and I was the one who put it in my deeper heart and try to run away it...I thought run away is the best way for me to solve the problem but it was just oppose what I was thinking...I was wrong..Was just like a booom...it would explore anythime..and was me didnt dare to face it...

Somebody told me today that I was such a lousy actress...Im Knew it..what could I do...If there was choices for me...sure I would not choose this road...because....

it was the tougher road and there was no choice to me...It could not deny that the people around us were wearing the mask to treat people...

[ACCEPT]

was what man had given me without saying anything...

-Home-

Am dn nod wad happen to me these few days...Dn feel like wan talking anything and just feel that a lot of thing is meaningless...even my life right now...Selfish keep think about such the stupid question-want to go Home....meaningless school,mountain of homework,tuition,sport practice,hypocrite crowd.....there is super tired when arrival at home but the worst is stil cnt sleep well...trying to get more sleep cz nod tat inner body reli cnt tahan le...but...every night will sudden wak up...im oso dn nod wad d prob is going on...

hypocrite crowd....

Feel disappointed to the people who are wearing mask right now...why they cnt live in peaceful and no hypocrite life...Can they stop finding trouble and shut they mouth...Say before thinking is the stupiest way...Is it very happy for urs who are talking behind people back...??haiz..Am really cnt understand and choose dn wan to understand anymore...start from right now..juz be myself because my trust towards urs is totally GONE...It's cnt believe that there have two different story said by a same person...
And Im gained a lesson from these story is-
Keep my trust in my deeper heart and never tak it out le....

Be strong mayyee

Keep telling myself that I must Be Strong,there is nothing can defeat me except MYSELF...The biggest enemy is nobody but yourself...Is tired for me to do anything..is really tired..There is a lot of question mark in my heart and mind...I choose to keep in my deeper heart and jus pretend there is nothing happen..Hope time is the best medical for healing..To me,speak out the trouble is just add on a burden to another listener..Cnt be so selfish..The world will not change and the time will not stop just because of you....

Who you are?

You are just nobody...