Sunday, February 28, 2010

The strongest the surface,the weakest the inner.

Suppose to write blog on last night(27.2.10)but it was dead beat to me but full of meaning thing.It was Awesome..Went out early in the morning with kor jit pang to Malacca.Maybe it was unbelievable..this was my first time went to Malacca and could be said lot first time in my life ba..Had some quality time with jit on the way to Mlk..
Was surprise when he asked me about my family background.First time we talked about this topic.Could be say I was never mention these thing to everyone ba..It was NOT I felt any ashamed or embarrassing..It was because I did not wish to explore the wound again..Yes..It was painful and deepest HURT.BUT,how much I hide it,it explore much more that in my expectation.It was not seen like any HEAL as time was passing by.Yes..it took time to heal.Hope in shortest time.Along the journey,we chatted a lot.He could be the first one that I expressed everything to him ba.I cried in front of him.I knew that he was not purposely making me cry.The much he said,I seen like defeated bit by bit.You should know this was the topic that I MOST did not want to talk about.On the moments,I could not control myself.I did not know where I gained this bravery to talk to you.Wondering jit was strong or I was weak.
Frankly speaking,we shared lot secrets not only me but you too.I felt like more understand to you too.Yes.the secret was kept in the car le.Will fulfill the promise.One thing that I remembered till now was you told me"nothing can disappointed you unless I GIVE UP"Actually I thought about Give Up but on the car I did not dare to tell you..Because I did not wish to hurt the people anymore le.Thing turn even worse that I think about go HOME.(so far no such feeling now)But this is the thing I could not control.What I scared was this feeling attack me again and again.
Lot thing you told me about you was so surprise me.Yes.You have done lot thing to youths like us but how many of us could really understand you(if you never mention,I think i never know it)You have done the GREATEST job and finally I knew how much you have loved us.Before that,you told me "I love U"such words.To me so normal.Every pastor will told to their youth like this de ba.But this time was DIFFERENT.You are really care of us.Heard what you have done,the moment i feel very touching but I tried very hard did not cry in front of you again.Thanks.Really appreciate to know you.kor jit pang.
You asked me to trust you(you know Im not easy to trust people)But I promise you.I will tried my best,no guarantee a.You asked me be frank to you,just wanted tell you if I was not enough frank to you then I won tell you my struggle le. Sometimes feel bad,everytime gt problems will come to you.Feel like gave you much trouble.Sorry about that.Maybe I should learn not so rely on people.

Night on 28.2.10.It was last day on February as last day for me to full play.Agreement will start after more 2hours.Stop being playful.

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