Rushing back to kluang early morning and ready some simple stuff. Another trip to Melaka. Not for fun this time,sending mom to Pantai hospital for the operation. On the other hand,as a leader going to lead a group to mission trip. As a child,as a leader. What's the responsibility I'm bearing right now. Confused?Feeling want crying loud. Bible saying honour your parents. Since like this time I'm not making a right decision again.

Argghhh!!!!

Up and down feeling sucks me.. Kinda feel disgusted and unfeeling well.. So many thing on hand, Definitely am a person dislike Stress.. I believe everybody same with me as well. Who cares. Franking speaking,dislike doing thing can't even please myself. It's hard if you can't enjoy the thing on your hand. By the way,so many thoughts was running over your mind. One heart,so many feelings. one brain,so many thought. Hard to focus. It's beyond my control. Certain thought,certain worries,certain people keep rushing out from my mind..

mom

Sometimes not only parents worry for their children.. It can be other way round. Aiya,mom will go for check up again. I insits wanted to drive her out all the way on next week Yet my sturborn mom just scared for me to drive.. Instead of taking the bus alone and wasting the time on waiting..haiz.. Mom,im no longer the little girl le.. I can take care of you as well la.. Maybe not firm in financial yet.. But i promise for my rest of life. Im not only take up my own cross. But im still wanted to take yours. Lord,grant mom a mercy journey and may the report will be all well..

Option become one decision... from these moment,there's no more option for me. Know why,people have the wanted answer and had decide for you. It's hard to live your life by your own antmore. ''it's my life,let me have it'' this statement, no longer in my life.

Changed vs Unchanged

Finally back to my lovely home-Kluang. Be served like a princess. From what you wear to what you eat-nothing gonna to worry. How good be served in home. So reluctant to back to kl. Somehow so many camp,meeting,social,exam,study had really draw me to max. And I know the moment I back to Kl,there's no longer myself. The responsible I gonna to take up. The decision I gonna to make. The people I gonna to face. The social I gonna to handle. No matter how,I know I need to do it and face it regardless how my heart going to dominant everything. The most comfortable zone I was in right now,I knew there's somebody scarified herself just for settle everything for me. Such an irresponsible.It's not my style. But,at least now,please give me some time to sort thing out. To do something I prefer. Just let me be myself at least once.

You give and take away

So long time not posted any news. A silent night,being alone in front of a darkness room. Some thoughts flow through my mind. Wish to find a familiar place or friend to have a long night talk.. I am stress but don't know what is actually stressing about. 2 patients of mine passed away in this week. 1 of them was the patient I follow up since she was in ICU and be transferred to medical ward. Pray a lot for her since she was in ICU,an old lady,quite well in control my tears when my first sight for her. I can't do much as doctor,as personal assistant,as member.What I extra do for her was keep her in my prayer. It was really heart-broken when I first experienced how she trying to talk to me.But she couldn't. When the tube enter from the throat,and my suction session started,whole tube was filled with blood.Such a scene I never can forget. This was my job. Sorry,aunty.I just wish you to discharged earlier. Great for the next 2days accidentally saw the old lady was transfer to medical ward. I thought i was never see this aunty again due to I been transfer to medical ward. But God,open his way and once again,I can do something,not much,some physiotherapy ex for her. It was my last time to see her. She was stable but still semi-consious. Yet,the sad story was just 2days after the good news. The aunty had pass away. God really making a big joke. Such a time,lot emotional was come out. I know,I need be a professional and rational. I know you must be trying very hard as well. RIP aunty. Somehow,it may be a big relief for you. At least,thanks for giving me an opportunity to serve you.

Holding so many thing in your hand
yet we always should learn how to 'Let Go'
At least,at these moment,
we should learn how to let God take control in everything.
Experienced a lot of sweetness and bitterness recently..
No one else will understand.
Because at the most time we all are relying on our own Feeling rather than open heart to people.
Rather we expecting others will understand and know exactly how we feel.
In fact,we know it's all impossible.
Every individual and organism is different.
So many time we tend to make an ASSUMPTION based on how we feel and what we see
Yet,how many of us will tend to look at the inner part.
As always,human's natural assumption will defined people based on the surface.
Not disappointed on the people.
Even myself is imperfect and no one else.
Draw the wisdom from above.
Teach me how to look people as how YOU are.
Put away all the pride and self-ego..
Even You had humble yourself.